A Dozen Years Later...

 I decided to add a post. Been busy creating stuff.

You know what?

I've been busy. Got married to a hot smart chick. That should be excuse enough for not posting.
But really, I've been on twitter. You can follow me @JimSimonson for almost daily doses of outrage and snark.
I'm keeping this domain name though. If one of the surprisingly large number of Jim Simonsons out there want it, it'll cost ya big.
See you on twitter!

SNL Presidential Reunion

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

Better than the Hall of Presidents at Disney World.

Balls Beer for Health Care Reform, the Full Version

I am so tired of spineless progressives.

Martha Coakley "Lockstep-Republican" Ad

Why on earth would the fine people of Massachusetts vote for this guy, who doesn't care about them?

Lieberman Socks

I agree with Michael Moore. It's time to boycott Connecticut until they recall that corrupt bastard.

DNC TV Ad: Wrong Then, Wrong Now

Republican wrongness starts at the top.

Do you like meatloaf?

Of course you do. Here's your chance to help America! Please checkout Meatloaf USA

Hit and Run

Republicans should really, for lack of a better acronym, STFU. We need to remind them that they caused this with deregulation. Like a baseball game without rules, the cheaters move in and chaos reigns.

This person could be your neighbor, episode 3

If you use a dictionary, does that make you a socialist?


Photo Credit: Tia Ann Chapman / Hartford Courant

Where does the time go?

Almost April already? Wow. What the heck have I been up to all this time? Too much snood, that's for sure. I'm warning all humans: snood will suck the productivity right out of you. Anyway, I did actually notice some stuff recently. First, if you put Harley-Davidson stickers on your chevy pickup, you should be required by law to place chevy stickers on your motorcycle. Fair is fair. Second, it appears that the moron known as Bill O'Reilly cannot say the word "left" without first saying the word "far". By the way Bill, how's Andrea? Feh. Third, I'm jazzed that once again, I'm wearing shoes of the same size on both feet. If you have to ask, just never you mind.

Some random stuff:

1) If you're a professional athlete, (or anyone really), and you feel that you need to carry a gun with you "in da" club, don't go out. Have a party. Caterers and DJs are cheaper than lawyers. The city of Pittsburgh is now glad that Plaxico got greedy.
2) My high school class is nearing an anniversary that ends in a zero, yet nobody seems to care about having a reunion. Very strange.
3) George Bush needs to be prosecuted for his crimes against humanity before he has a chance to escape to Paraguay. He now owns thousands of acres down there. By the way, I hear he's back to his booze swilling ways again.

A message to Bill O., Sean H, and Rush L.

You no longer matter. You're not worth the time of day. You got lucky for a few years, but your time to shine is over. Go away, so the grownups can start cleaning up the mess you helped create.

Now that the election is over.

Let's get back to blogging! And we'll kick off the new season of TnS with a vintage Hungarian sausage commercial!

America got smarter!

But still not smart enough (I'm looking at you, Oklahoma).

Superbarack!

A message to evangelicals:

Hi. Since McCain referred to Obama as"The One", and you know what that is secret code for, here's a reminder: Barack Obama can't bring forth the end times unless he's president, so all christians need to vote for Obama this tuesday. Remember, a vote for Obama is a vote for the rapture! And by the way, when the rapture comes, can I have all your stuff? Thanks.

Brilliantly Edited Video: McCain Vs Palin

Republicans are bad for the economy.

This happened to me....

...but I don't have room to post one of these.

What should have happened Thursday night.

McSame's speech was playing on a TV as I was checking into a hotel; when I saw that green backdrop, I thought to myself, "Don't the republicans ever learn?" I then realized, "Of course not. That's why they're republicans."

This must be considered.

The last time we had a really old president, it didn't go well.

In a perfect world...

My first act: chocolate cake for all Americans!

McCain Rode In A Nine-Car Motorcade To Get A Cappucino

LA Times:

McCain, who huddled with advisors at his desert compound in Sedona, Ariz., said nothing in public. A nine-car motorcade took him to a nearby Starbucks early in the morning, where he ordered a large cappuccino. McCain otherwise avoided reporters.

Me:
NINE CARS FOR COFFEE? No wonder he wants more oil drilling. I'd hate to see the convoy if he ever went to the Olive Garden. Can't he get one of those creepy young republican kids to get him his Starbucks? And isn't cappuccino one of those uppity liberal commie tree-hugger drinks?

A message to parents.

Nobody wants to know your kids' names, how many you have, or their favorite sports, while we are driving. Please remove those stupid decals from the back of your SUV. The same goes for the "glass broken by base/soft/golf/tennis ball" stickers.

Cindy McCain, the millionaire drug thief.

She probably had her own prescriptions, but may have left them on the private plane, or forgot which house they were in.

Dont Vote Against Yourself Part 2

If you're reading this, and would have your taxes increased under Obama, I suggest you shut up, and be proud that you can help the country that helped you get so absurdly wealthy.

Don't vote against yourself.

Who cares about gay folks getting married if you're jobless?

Back to posting....

I had to switch hosting, but now all is well.

So scarily true.

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

Another reason to impeach.

He's clueless. By the way, shame on the media for not reporting the articles of impeachment introduced in congress.

McCain hates beer!

The man is deranged, I tell you!

McCain thinks Putin is president of Germany.

Way to go there, McGenius.

Possibly the stupidest man in America.

Paul Harris, in The Observer:
"Johnny Telvor was not happy about Barack Obama becoming the Democratic presidential nominee. Not happy at all.

Standing outside the sturdy courthouse in the sweltering heat of a West Virginia afternoon in the small town of Williamson, Telvor smoked a cigarette and bluntly gave his opinion of Obama's historic mission to be America's first black president.

'We'll end up slaves. We'll be made slaves just like they was once slaves,' he said. Telvor, a white Democrat who supported Hillary Clinton in West Virginia's primary, said he planned to vote for Republican John McCain in November. 'At least he's an American,' he added with a disarmingly friendly smile."

Can someone please get a photo of this clown? Why, oh why do we even let idiots like Johnny Telvor speak, much less vote?

Old Myths from the Age of Idiocy, to be replaced by New Truths for the Age of Reality

Larry Beinhart:

Old Myth: 9/11 was an Act of War
New Truth: 9/11 was a Criminal Act.
Osama bin Laden was not a head of state or an agent of a state. He was a religion crazed gangster with a relatively small gang. His acts were crimes.

To elevate them to acts of war was to elevate him.
Worse, it created the wrong response. So wrong that he's still out there. Proof that you can commit a mass murder against the United States and get away with it.

Only when we redefine it, will we be able to figure out a sane response to replace the current insanity.

Old Myth: The War On Terror
New Truth: The War on Terror is Bogus
There is no War on Terror. It was a PR ploy to invade a country that annoyed George Bush and Dick Cheney, to transfer mad amounts of money to the military-industrial complex, to win elections, and to allow George to play dress up.

Old Myth: The War in Iraq was Not a War of Choice.
New Truth: The War in Iraq was a War of Choice.
Even if someone actually believed that Saddam Hussein was a dangerous man with weapons of mass destruction, the problem was solved the moment that the weapons inspectors got full access to all sites in Iraq.

At that point, going to war was like the police going into a man's house to look for guns, then shooting him while he is sitting on the couch, because they couldn't find them and were tired of looking.

Old Myth: The War in Iraq Can be Won.
New Truth: The War in Iraq Was Lost Years Ago.
It was lost through belief in stupid mythologies and the failure to heed reality. It was lost through poor planning and worse execution.

The administration does not a plan, the means, or the will to win in Iraq. Their only plan, their only goal, is to pass the problem on, so they can blame the next president for their failure.

Old Myth: If we Leave Iraq, Chaos Will Ensue.
New Truth: Iraq is Now in Chaos.
George Bush, and his gang, created the chaos. They applied everything they believed in - force as foreign policy, that the whole world wants to be like us, free marketeering, no government, crony appointments - to Iraq. It demonstrates the bankruptcy of their entire theology.

Old Myth: Free Markets are the Best Solution to Everything.
New Truth: Markets are Good for Cheap Consumer Goods, but Bad for Health.
They're bad for individual health, for health care systems, for the health of our work force, for the health of the environment. Unchecked and unbalanced, they're bad for the health of our economy.

Old Myth: All Regulation is Bad. Remove Regulation and the Free Markets Will Make Everything Better.
New Truth: An Economy Without Regulations is like a Baseball Game Without Umpires.
The cheaters take over and chaos ensues.

Old Myth: Tax Cuts Stimulate the Economy
New Truth: The Wrong Tax Cuts Can Ruin the Economy.
The truth is that the American economy has often thrived with high tax rates. Since WWII, it has never done as badly as it has under Bush, with the most cuts and lowest rates.

Old Myth: Reagan won the Cold War.
New Truth: The hippies won the Cold War.
Reagan told Gobachov, "Tear down that wall." But Gorbachov didn't. Reagan built up the military, but that didn't change anything. The people who tore down the Berlin Wall did so because they wanted to wear jeans and listen to rock 'n' roll and say rude things about their government. Like the hippies.

Old Myth: The Media Lost the War in Vietnam
New Truth: (A restatement of an Old Truth). The War in Vietnam was a stupid, useless mistake.
Bad politics, bad military strategy, and bad tactics made it worse. America's leaders and America's generals lost the war in Vietnam.

There are recordings of Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger privately admitting that the Vietnam War could not be won. Then deciding not to end it, to keep it going, so Nixon could win re-election.

This is important because after Bush leaves office someone else will have to get us out of Iraq. The myth makers will rush in to say that Bush policies could have won and his successor lost the war.

Old Myth: George Bush is the Problem.
New Truth: The entire Republican Agenda Has Been Revealed as Bankrupt
George Bush acted out an agenda. It was enthusiastically backed by a Republican congress. And acquiesced to by Democrats like Hillary Clinton, who were terrified by the Republican's Big Bad Myths.

Old Myth: Religious Faith is a Good Way to Judge a Leader
New Truth: The Way People Deal With Reality, Is the Way to Judge a Leader.
The spectacle of our candidates groveling on TV over how religious they are, is appalling.

"If there is one thing for which we stand in this country, it is for complete religious freedom, and it is an emphatic negation of this right to cross-examine a man on his religion before being willing to support him for office."
Theodore Roosevelt (Republican)

I did some redecorating.

I added some new things over to the left. The looney tunes are kinda cool, and I brought back the chimp-o-matic. I also changed the ad at the top. The KISS thing works, and since you're going to google anyway, you might as well get some free starbucks or other swag while you search.

Endorsement for today.

Don’t vote Oregonian Steve Novick into the U.S. Senate just because you agree with his political standpoints. Vote for him because he has a hook for a hand! And he’s 4’9”. So if you want to send a pirate-leprechaun hybrid to Washington, Novick’s your man.

McCain just makes stuff up as he goes along

The early signs of dementia?

This person could be your neighbor, episode 2

After all, how will you figure the odds without arithetic?

Just running the family business:

Rumours of a link between the US first family and the Nazi war machine have circulated for decades. Now the Guardian can reveal how repercussions of events that culminated in action under the Trading with the Enemy Act are still being felt by today's president

George Bush's grandfather, the late US senator Prescott Bush, was a director and shareholder of companies that profited from their involvement with the financial backers of Nazi Germany.
The Guardian has obtained confirmation from newly discovered files in the US National Archives that a firm of which Prescott Bush was a director was involved with the financial architects of Nazism.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2004/sep/25/usa.secondworldwar